Tonks's Rescue Mission
by lightblue-Nymphadora
Summary: Tonks has to find Pansy. This is going to be an interesting night. Humor. Tonks/Pansy. Written for the Teachers' Lounge 2014 Promptfest.


Tonks sat hunched over the coffee table, drinking coco as she marked the newest recruits' exams. They were better than she'd expected, on the whole, and she was hopeful that this group would go on to great things. Or at least, wouldn't set the Ministry's training facility on fire like the last bunch. She yawned and stretched, looking at her watch. It was far past supper time, and she hadn't eaten since eleven that morning. With a grunt, she pushed herself off the floor and wandered into the kitchen. There were apples on the counter, and a pot of mustard in the refrigerator - there wasn't even any junk food there.

"That's the last time I agree to let Harry and the team stay at my place," she grumbled, walking into the main hall. As she was pulling on her cloak, a hazy stag floated down from the ceiling. "Speak of the devil."

"Hey there, Tonks!" came Harry's cheerful voice. "In anticipation of your coming nuptials, we've decided to celebrate!"

"Who's we?" Tonks asked as the stag continued to speak.

"Daphne, Ainsley, Peter, some of the Arrows and I have kidnapped Pansy," he said. "We're going on a bit of a pub crawl. We'll send you a clue to where we are at each place. We've arranged a traveling tab at the bars, so if you don't find us quickly, you'll have quite the bill to pay."

"ME?" Tonks bellowed.

"It's a glorious tradition, and we hope you have fun. We know we will. Anyway, your first clue - this is where I screwed up your recon mission during my brief stint as an Auror - it's now under wizarding management."

Tonks stood staring at the spot where the stag had been, mouth open. She was going to kill him - this had to have been his idea. She'd been looking forward to going to get some sort of greasy take away food, and curling up with her newest adventure novel. There was no way that was going to happen now. She buttoned up her cloak and checked to make sure she had her wand as she thought about the clue.

It was sort of vague. She did most of her recon in pubs, and during that year Harry had been with her quite a lot. But as she shuffled through the memories of various missions, only one stood out where Harry had botched things for her.

"The Fainting Goat."

* * *

Miles away, in said pub, a group of eight witches and wizards were laughing at Tonks's reply. The smoky honey badger had hurled abuse at him for a steady minute and a half before fading away.

"She's going to kill you, Harry," Pansy said, eyeing the shot glasses warily.

"She's got to find us first!" he said, handing one to her. "Cheers!"

"What is it?"

"A Kamakaze. Don't sniff it, and hold your breath."

Pansy downed the shot and cringed as it burned all the way down. This was going to be a long night.

* * *

Tonks rushed into The Fainting Goat and looked around. It was crowded, but not overly so. She could clearly see that the drinking party had already moved on.

"You've got to be kidding!" she whined.

The bartender chuckled and waved her over. "They left about a minute ago," he said. "Just two rounds. Harry wanted me to give you this." He passed two blank sheets of parchment to her.

"Cheers," she said, inspecting it. Oh gods, it was one of his riddles. She tapped it and said, "Right, Harry, what is it this time?" That had become their general password for things around the fourth time he'd rushed into her office looking panicked.

The ink spread out around the sheet, revealing a map of London. She couldn't figure out some of the things, but the dot that was moving had the number 43 hovering over it, so she guessed that it was a bus. Her mental map of Muggle London was flashing by in her head as the dot stopped just outside of a train station. It had to be somewhere she knew, or it wouldn't be fair. "Highbury-Islington… Highbury-Islington…" she repeated to herself. It was there - she could feel it on the tip of her tongue. The dot for the 43 started to move again, rounding a corner, and suddenly the memory of her and Harry jumping from bus to bus came back. She slapped herself on the forehead, remembering their ungraceful arrival at the Highbury-Islington station. They'd nabbed the wizard they'd been chasing, cleared a few memories, and once Magical Law Enforcement turned up to take the sleeze off of their hands, went into the Famous Cock for a pint.

"Thanks!" she called back to the barman, running out.

* * *

"I really thought she'd get the last one faster," Ainsley said, taking a shot of Firewhiskey with Pansy. "I mean *hiccup* excuse me… you two didn't stop talking about that bus chase for weeks! You left her a bloody map!"

"Sometimes she overthinks things," Harry said, polishing off his own drink. "She's going to be pissed when she finds out we're two pubs ahead of her."

"And no longer in London," Pansy groaned. She wasn't a lightweight - Slytherins weren't as a general rule - but she was starting to feel it.

"Let's get to the next place," Kevin, one of the Appleby Arrows, said. "I want food."

"Me too," Pansy agreed.

"Are we all still okay to Apparate, of shall I summon the Knight Bus?" Peter asked quietly.

"Bus," everyone agreed.

* * *

Tonks knew they wouldn't be there when she got to The Famous Cock, but she was still slightly disappointed. This bar was different. The owner and his son were both wizards, but they had a largely Muggle clientele, so whatever the clue was couldn't be conspicuous.

The bartender was grinning and waving her over. "You must be Tonks."

"Wotcher. What gave it away?"

"Your hair is bright blue. Harry said it probably would be by this point," he said with a wink. With that, he took out an envelope. "Supposed to give this to you."

"Thank you." She opened it and found a relatively easy puzzle. She rolled her eyes at the clues.

**Harry is _ like a horse.**

**Ron's favorite show is _ Together.**

**Hermione threatened this punishment if we ever set toads loose in her office again.**

"The Hung Drawn and Quartered," she said. She hadn't been to that one. "Any idea where it is?"

"Aye - it's over on Great Tower Street, near Tower Hill."

"Thanks, mate!" she said, dashing out of the pub.

She made it to the pub. They weren't there.

Next was The Wily Squid. Missed them.

The Skiving Scholar. Nope.

The Squeamish Mole. Missed them.

The Wand and Cloud. Not there.

Then the Drunken Duck. Not there either.

The Leaky Cauldron. Missed by a matter of minutes.

She was quickly losing faith that she'd have any paycheck left by the end of the night. She ripped open the clue, which just said "Bacon wrapped scallops." At least this was an easy one. She Apparated directly to The Copper Crocodile, groaning when she didn't see them. She waltzed over to the bar and said, "Tonks. I'll have a pint."

"Sure you're not in a hurry," the bartender (a gorgeous burly woman called Lydia) said, grinning at her and passing her the clue.

She took the envelope from the woman and shook her head. "Nope. Pint of your best cider, and we'll add it to my probably outrageous bill."

"Sure thing, love."

Tonks sipped her cider and pondered the clue. Harry must've written these out beforehand, because he was probably nice and sloshed by this point. Still, she had not a single idea as to what all of this meant. Suddenly, a hazy mongoose floated down and started whining at her.

"Come *hiccup* get me Tosnsskjfe… Harry's fucking...a alcoholic."

"He's fucking an alcoholic?" Tonks yelped, causing the other patrons to laugh.

"Maybe she means he's a fucking alcoholic?" Lydia suggested.

"I need… juss wanna pasty and sex and sleeeeeep. Come get me! The team's ordering summat called...Mongolian Motherfuckers. Haaaaaalp. The Imp and Looking Glass."

"Yes!" Tonks yelped, jumping off her seat. She left a tip for Lydia and Disapparated.

* * *

Pansy threw up into the bucket. Granted, she'd done so at least five times since they'd made it back to Tonks's place, but it was still just as horrible. She blinked in the bright light, realizing that it was morning. She could smell...something cooking, but she buried her head under the pillows.

"None of that. Come on out of there. You need to eat."

Pansy groaned, but peeked out from under the covers. She sat up slightly, head pounding. "Whisper, please," she said.

Tonks smiled and wiped her fiance's face with a cool washcloth. "I am whispering, love. Here, bacon and egg sandwich, and some apple-cheddar rolls. Then you can have your hangover potion."

"Thank you," Pansy whined.

Tonks smiled and handed her the tray. She'd only seen Pansy drunk, and subsequently hungover, a few times before. But that was enough to know that the woman turned into a whiny six year old until the effects of the booze wore off.

"I didn't expect this reaction," Pansy mused, nibbling the end of a roll.

"What?"

"You're taking this whole thing rather well."

"Well, I Patronused Harry this morning about ten times - early in the morning - until he agreed to never get you drunk again, and to pay half of the tab."

Pansy laughed, and then winced.

Tonks kissed her forehead. "Eat your breakfast. I'll go see about that hangover potion."

"I completely love you."

"You better," Tonks said with a wink. She was back in minutes with a steaming teacup.

Pansy sipped it slowly, just happy she was able to keep it and the food down.

Tonks slid into bed and let Pansy cuddle close to her. "Go back to sleep. I'll be right here when you wake up."

**~FIN~**

This story was written for the Teachers' Lounge 2014 Valentines Promptfest. Please leave a review, and check out the other stories, which are listed at topic/119413/104638777/1/2014-Valentines-s-Promptfest-story-list


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